As I've mentioned about a billion times, I'm buying a new house. It has an inground pool and sweet Alice was looking into getting additional insurance in case someone drowns. My question is - say some turd climbs over my fence and decides to go for a swim and ends up a floater or a sinker, whatever the case may be. Am I liable? I mean he's the little bastard who trespassed and illegally jumped in my damn pool. I'm assuming the answer is yes given all the asinine law suits today. But still what recourse do I have? I know we have at least one lawyer out there that can answer this for me, Rita.*
brings me to my next question regarding recourse. If I can be sued by the family of this hypothetical little turd, can I sit on my deck and shoot the little turd before he reaches the pool and kills himself?
And finally, question #3. Assuming the little turd reaches the pool before I shoot him because I went in to make a cheese sandwich, and he drowns himself and his family sues me for a million dollars and I'm only insured for $500K, can I hunt down the family and smack the crap out of them for having such stupid offspring?
Just send me a bill, Rita. I'll pay you in t-shirts and thongs.
DB has a blog! Am I the only one who didn't know about this? It called weirdly enough, blog. He is still as funny as ever but he takes on more serious issues and really analyzes them e.g. Barry on Iraq:
But I do not plan to hold back on the issues of the day. This Iraq thing, for example. Boy, is THAT ever an issue! Of course that's only my opinion.
Speaking of Dave Barry, I found this week old article of his where he mentions Sapphire Beach. I was on that very beach and saw possibly the same iguanas as Dave. The diners at the restaurant there feed them lettuce off their hamburgers. Remember, Al?
Although the islands were originally claimed by Spain, over the years they belonged to Holland, France, England, Denmark, Poland, Wales, Nigeria and the New York Yankees farm organization, before they were finally purchased by the U.S. government for $25 million, which is coincidentally the exact amount that I spent down there on drinks with names like ``Drambuie Kablooey.''
This is pretty much how everybody passes the time in the Virgin Islands. You lie in the sun, listening to the soothing sounds of the wind and the surf and the precancerous lesions forming on your skin. The only remotely alarming thing I saw during my visit occurred at a small outdoor bar at a place called Sapphire Beach, where a wedding reception was going on, and the bride's bouquet was partially eaten by (I am not making this up) an iguana.
I also spent approximately $25 million on cocktails. Which is pretty hard to do considering rum is $3 a bottle. But that is the price you pay to stay completely shit-faced from 11:00 in the morning to 11:00 at night for seven whole days.
Hey, Dave and I have a lot in common I just realized. Dave, if you read this, give me a holler.
Update: I'm an idiot but that's not the update. Dave Barry has moved here. Thanks to Artchick for the heads up.