I used some Victoria Secret peach hand cream this morning and not only are my hands luxuriously soft and smooth, they also smell delicious. Actually, I smell like a girl. That's OK. I like to think that I am very much in touch with my feminine side.

Speaking of feminine, I figured since sweet Alice would have to sit through four hours of football on Sunday, the least I could do was sit through a few chick movies before the game. I'll tell you, if I see one more chick die of cancer, I'll stick needles in my eyes. Jeez! First we watched Beaches which is a good movie until what's her name dies of cancer. Plus Bette Midler has a really fat face. Then we watched Step Mom. Also, a pretty good movie until Susan Sarandon dies of cancer. Say what you want about her retarded politics, she plays a great person-who-has-cancer.

The station must have planned this. It's Superbowl Sunday but if you don't care for football, ladies, tune into TBS where we'll have all cancer all the time! Or More cancer than you can shake a remote control at!.

I'm sure there were many more fine movies with people dying of cancer but thankfully we had to go to a bar and watch grown men beat the crap out of each other.

Flems, Pics & Bowie

Frank J.'s last name is Fleming! Hahahaha! That's the funniest thing I ever heard. Fleming! Frank J. is Danish. Or Flemish. He's a Flem! On a sadder note, he was mentioned in a local paper. Yes, I'm jealous even though I have been mentioned in the paper too. Anyway, Mr. Fleming (snicker) said he was compared to Dave Barry. What a liar. Here's the direct quote:

Fleming, a 24-year-old computer engineer, explained it was a spur-of-the-moment proposal prompted by the Sept. 19 International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which was launched by a couple of buddies in Oregon and publicized by columnist Dave Barry.

That's not being compared to Dave Barry. Frank Fleming is delusional. Man, I'm a bitch aren't I?

Sweet Alice has some more pictures from the wedding we attended a few weeks ago. Some are even ones I took. Pretty good if I do say so myself. Don't forget to leave comments. Alice loves them and gets very upset when she doesn't get any. Don't you bastards go upsetting my wife.

For some ungodly reason, everyone got all upset because I said I hated David Bowie. Well, I don't care what you people think. I stand by it. Just because you have horrendous taste in music doesn't mean I have too. You know, now that I think about it, you guys are always disagreeing with me. It seems that if I hate it, you like it. You voting the wrong way in all my Suckwatchs and now you think David Bowie doesn't suck. I guess we can agree to disagree but I really think you should just make an effort here and agree with me.

Someone tell me why he doesn't suck? His voice is annoying. His eyes are annoying. His teeth are annoying. And if I haven't made my case thus far I have two words:

China. Girl.