She's Back & He's Still An Ass

The weather outside is frightful. It looks like Hurricane Isabel revisited. Stormy clouds, pretty high winds and some rain. Then a tranformer blew and we were without power at work for almost a half an hour. I thought a transformer was one of those robot toy things. Who knew they also made lights come on and computers compute. I was hoping the power would never come back on because I have to work until about 8 tonight to get out of a backlog we have. The good news is, there is a tornado warning in effect in our area so there's a good chance we could lose power again. Of course we could also lose our lives but it's a chance I'm willing to take in order to get out of work. I can dream can't I?

As you probably know, I was interviewed by the New York Times last night. The Paper of Record. The Grey Lady. Arguably the most influential paper in the world. That New York Times. Like I said, they interviewed me. It seems that when a blogger (me) gets interviewed by the New York Times, some other petty bloggers get all pissy. There's no reason to be jealous because I got interviewed by the NY Times. You should be happy when another blogger gets recognized by the prestigious NY Times and asked for an interview. Then these same petty bloggers can't seem to let it go that I was interviewed by the NY Times. The NY Times interviews me once and then they have to start making fun. I sincerely hope that the next time I get interviewed by the NY Times, which will happen, people will be a little more gracious and supportive.

I saddens me greatly that I even had to post this and all because I was interviewed by the NY Times.

If Bill Ruled The World

One of the first thing's I noticed when I moved down South (besides the coolass F-18's and Military people everywhere) was Sheriff Frank Drew's Inmate Workforce. Sheriff Frank Drew drags scumbag criminals out of their cages and makes them work - mowing public spaces, cleaning up streets and highways, stuff like that. I thought that was great. But not good enough. Once they were done with the mowing and the cleaning, I'd have them break rocks for another 12 hours. Then it would be back to jail to hose them off and then I'd bring them over to the sheriff's mansion so they could make me cocktails and a sandwich right before they passed out from exhaustion. Then I would laugh and laugh because tomorrow's another day for them. Ho ho! I might also have one special prisoner that I would make the court jester. And not a clown either - a court jester. He'd have the regular striped prison uniform on but with the silly hat with the bells. That would be cool.

I don't hate protesters as much as criminals but I still have a great deal of hatred for them. They're a little harder to deal with. I guess I wouldn't stop them from protesting but I would decree that if you decide to take to the streets and chant silly slogans, there is a good chance you'll be shot. I'd have my police only use BB guns but they'd be high-powered ones where you could lose an eye. Maybe I'd use rubber bullets too. I think that would disperse the crowd. I figure if you get enough pellets in the ass and face you'll probably go home. I know you're thinking that they already do this, but I mean mandatory shooting of the protesters. As soon as they show up we start shooting and we don't stop until all the little peaceniks are gone or can't walk from being shot. What can I say, I'm a nice guy.

Then there are the French. I think I found a perfect solution for them as well and this doesn't require violence. Since they are a bunch of pussies and Americans run the world and can pretty much do anything, I'd just start taking their shit. Like I would send a bunch of helicopters over there and hover over the Eiffel Tower and strap hooks to it and fly it back to America. There would be all these French people under the Tower as it was being raised into the air and they'd be all jumping up and down with outstretched arms screaming, "You cannot take zee Eiffel Tower!" But then the Army guys in the helicopters would just open the helicopter doors and drop water balloons on them. That would show them. Then I'd do the same with the Arc d' Triomph or whatever that thing is called. It would be harder to steal the Louvre but with our American ingenuity, we can do anything. Then we'd steal Versaille and that would really humiliate them. I'd also shut down all their TV and radio stations so we didn't have to hear their stupid opinions. They could still have newspapers though because we can't read French.

Once we had all their favorite monuments and landmarks, I'd set up a mini France in America filled with Americans and McDonald's and Wendy's and Taco Bells. They would be furious but they're impotent and can't do anything about it. We'd only give all their shit back when they promised to stop acting like asses.

Same goes for Belgium. I also hate the Belch.